toe tappin' weeping

I cannot even begin to describe how very messy my room is!! That is a task best dealt with after too many cups of coffee after dinner, which would make it the next task before I retire this evening er-morning.
‘Tis truly been a nightmare of a weekend with one sparkle at the end. I find it very curious that I can actually work myself into such an intense emotional frenzy that I make myself sick, I do not recommend this as a diet, it is quite tiresome and your loved ones will run for the hills after relatively short order.
Have you ever had the misfortune of being really, really sad and while you can list a million reasons why you feel so sad none of them seem quite right? Or, have you ever felt that the rest of the world could care less or that you had only yourself to blame?
Funny, when all you need is someone to say ‘ya that sucks’ and then squeeze you- but that person doesn’t seem to exist in the panicked world you have buried yourself in? When you talk and talk and talk and it makes you feel worse than before you started BUT now you’re sad about something new entirely and you’ve forgotten the life shattering event that got you into that ill space in the first place…my weekend in a nutcase (er) in a nutshell.
Hmmm, how many cheesy country song lyrics can I think of that are fitting for the occasion…I will show you!

"You spend half your life on bended knee begging
somebody to change-
and the other half praying to God that they
never would."
OR
"Thank God for unaswered prayers"
I like that one, kind of reassuring to think that even if I really screw it up, someone else has the ultimate decision making power.

I have been a girl long enough to know that every once in a while I’m gonna have a really off day. Sometimes, I will likely irrationally lash out at the people I care about. Then, there are other times when life just sucks, and the only thing that makes it hurt worse are people confirming that yes, life sucks and you get to deal with it on your own.

“I don’t care if you don’t love me anymore”….sweeeeet
OR
“you were always on my mind and I guess I never
told you: 'I'm so happy that you're mine.'"

There are many reasons why I believe I hold an important place in a world of adults, but, more often than not lately I am realizing that I don’t really belong here and that adults aren’t grown ups after all. One reason why I think I can teach could be because I am an adult with more knowledge than most middle school students, but I don’t think I will teach them more than they can teach me. You go through all those young years anticipating the freedom of being an adult and you know-it sucks. You have to take care of yourself and make your own decisions and ya-sometimes it is great, but it isn’t quite so easy to curl up with your mom when you cry and there’s no one to make things all better when you hurt. I’m not sure I like these parts.

"every brown-eyed-boy and every blue-eyed-girl
gotta really go psycho"
...seriously!
Sometimes I'm just sad whether there's a good reason or not, and you know-- if that's the way I feel- every reason is valid... it just is, whether or not anybody 'gets it'
AND FINALLY
“Cadillac, blackjack, get back- boot scoot n’ boogie"
-for those times when really-who cares!

Ahhh country songs, a reason to cry all on their own.

Posted by Sheena at December 8, 2003 12:23 AM