am I really ready

I have had more than 2 years to contemplate Burning Man, what it means to James and if I can find my place there. Each month I think I am somewhat closer to finding the answer. This year seems to be the one, although my unknown fate still lies in the hands of one Miss RA Annie.
So, I sit here knowing that weekends to myself aren't nearly as cool as I used to find them and I pause, the decision to research instead of transcribe is a simple one and off I go in search of yet another sign to explain my desire to attend the most brilliant of all pagan festivals. I peruse and smile, I wonder and grin, I scroll down and my heart catches more strongly than I think I ever could have predicted.
I have to ask, I am I truly prepared to see things I am pretty certain I don't want to see?
I wipe away a few quick tears and I hear:
'no matter how many other people I kiss I always know that when I kiss you it will be the best ever!'
Yesterday I may have even been able to joke about it, but tonight the question is a hard one.
Who will I be answering it in the desert? Who will hear me if the answer hurts coming out?

the next morning:
frantic dreams of goggles and shoes, I think I'm ready to go now- still wish someone were holding my hand when I get there though.