An impromptu blog

As many people already know, my practicum is drawing to a close, the seven years of study shall end quite quietly on April 30, 2004. I have yet to decide whether I should host a celebration party, a funeral or simply a wake. What challenges is me the most right now is my ability to slip back into old habits. The very same ones I was forced to check at the parking lot some 4-5 weeks ago. And while I am able to see these issues return I am finding it more difficult to eliminate them. The first time around I was desperate to find my niche and I re-arranged my priorities to do it. Now, the sun creeps in the bedroom window a little earlier but I am less inclined to rise earlier, and while the rain still comes I find it less enticing to lock myself in a quiet classroom marking stories and anticipating the vulgar comments that I may have to shield the next day.

I digress, James and I spent a great deal of time talking about talking this weekend. What I came up with was ….

My meeting with my Uvic supervisor went very poorly today due to a number of circumstances, ultimately I was left thinking that he has zero faith in my ability to be a successful teacher. This interpretation came was the result of one comment, ‘you and I have no faith in each other.’ My interpretation of this comment on the other hand was based on the arguments I had been engaged in with him prior to this moment. It has taken two outside perspectives for me to realize that perhaps, *arg* he was right. My lack of faith in him is what makes me so quick to argue with what he has to say about my lessons. Perhaps, if I were to listen more then I would know precisely what he wants= provide that= receive praise. OR perhaps, he and I just don’t click, personality conflicts prohibits each of us from a) assessing fairly & b) accepting constructive criticism. If it is the latter than I am in a predicament because in less than three weeks time he will be writing to official, final report- the same one that my future employers will request to see before they hire me. So while I am certain that I will graduate, I may leave Uvic with a permanent black mark trailing too close behind me wherever I journey as a teacher. That sux!

…sitting in the parking lot of Mister Budget Muffler Man Saturday evening playing a game of discussional chess. A game neither of us won and also one where neither of us gave up in defeat.

I give great credit to vitamin B for the fact that while all around me people were talking about my bad day; I do not feel it was so. I have a plan for my next session with John. Based on the last issue that we had, I was able to turn it around quickly. That being said, I know that I have to protect myself as well. He and I have major personality conflicts, what I considered ‘problems communicating,’ and I have to make sure that people of power are aware of these issues so that if, in 4 weeks time, I need to dispute an unfair final assessment, people will be prepared. Paper trail, paper trail, paper trail.

…and the ball is passed to sluree, she makes her way down the court, shoot
*swish*
…the ball is tossed back to James who makes his way in the opposite direction, from the three point line
*swish*
ahead by one point and the discussion continues, ending in a tie, a game well played and enjoyed by both teams.

Bickering about interpretations is tricky when two very different perspectives are trying to build some consensus. The great thing about open people is that they can continue to play the game whether it is a chess match diligently battled out in an ordered manner; a raquetteball game where each attempt by one’s opponent is slammed violently against a wall; or synchronized swimming where the discussion ebbs and flows as opinions and thoughts are washed together and emerge as one. All the more beautiful because it is a combination of skill and acceptance, of opinion and emotion, as the result of the competitors abilities to work together while focusing on being individuals, to form one diverse picture that will continue to move and change as the game goes on.

It all comes down to communication and interpretation. I stand by my assertion that talking is the most uninteresting form of communication. Unfortunatley, as a hot guy once said, it is also the most fundamental to our very existence.

Posted by Sheena at April 5, 2004 07:21 PM