ah ha's

I woke up this morning with that all too familiar pit in my stomach. The questions of what am I doing? Who do I want to become? Where do I want to be? What do I want my life to be? Along with the questions came the guilt, the regret, the longing, sadness and fear. This is not what pulls me away from my dreams every morning but the days when it does are usually filled with sadness.

This is what I have come realize as I sit here computer in lap, tv droning in the background-
James and I want to be together and we want to be in Victoria. This funny Island is home to both of us. Logic says that I should leave here to pursue a career whether it's Washington, Alberta, Korea or some other place away from my ocean and friends. Logic and practicality are the things that have been pulling me away from comfort and personal peace.

So then I think, without pause for reflection:
I am damn lucky. Perhaps I don't want to follow this career forever but I am in a pretty good position. Instead of trying to find ways of getting out of who I am NOW, I blinked and saw the very real possibilities that already exist. I have my foot in a door that is closed off to many, many people. I have the power to make a career for myself right here! For now, that is what matters. All I have to do to make it happen is empower myself with confidence and guts; to get out there and make people know me; to recognize the skills that I have and fully appreciate the luxury that affords me.

Where this leaves me:
Pay for the 500 business cards and start walking, literally. Once that is done, do it again... and again.

What will it get me:
Maybe it will take time, but I can have my life and my dreams here, with James and my friends, the ocean, my beloved Jessa a boat ride away, all the things I love and see when I walk outside.
If I am to be honest with myself I see no problems, only opportunities. For the second time in my life I have to pull my head out of my ass and turn things around, the sooner the better, the better-the better.
YAY!

Thank you baby-boy for waking us up the way we did, it helped make a world of difference-literally.