Burning Man: YUP i'm ready

I got the job! this makes me an official employee of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Inc. I start sometime in late August and while the $ sucks everything else will be amazing. what this means is that I can no longer clog my pleasant anticipation with concerns about the emotional climate of the desert. all I can do now is continue adding to my supply of overly-sequined halter tops and tin/vinyl skirts.
SOOOO EXCITED!!!
for those who-er close you will understand how much this means to me, for everyone else, picture the huge ass grin on my face.
ta

ps. those big bad grade 6's stole my voice...now I sound like one of Them

included below is my application letter. A bit of light reading if yer inclined, but don't tell ANYONE about the country music thing!

Dear Annie

What intrigues me the most about Burning Man is the freedom it represents. I picture myself in the desert expressing everything that defines who I am. While I cannot tell you right now what those defining features are, I know that they will be brilliant and bold, fun and life-changing.

I spend much of my time being Miss W., a responsible, somewhat shy school teacher. Inside I am a secret freak. The greatest thrills in my life so far have been sky-diving, body modification and breaking other people's expectations of me. I love my life as it is but I know that the more experiences I have the more well-rounded and enlightened I will become.

What I know about Costco as a camp intrigues me and I know that in being there I will come back to Victoria a changed girl. I welcome all of the adventures and new experiences that await me. I am a romantic and look forward to meeting people through the Costco store (a place I know I will be invaluable to), I am excited about the idea that I will help people make connections with other individuals that they may cherish even after the playa dust is rinsed from their hair. One can only wonder about how some of those people will influence my world. I can think of no better way to spend my first Burning Man than meeting and serving people through the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet.

Regarding to my tolerance for the weather conditions on the playa-I have experienced the Mexican Baja in 113º summer heat so I am confident that I will survive the summer heat of the desert. I understand the importance of protecting my body from the sun and of keeping it well hydrated. I revel in the summer sun-bring it on!
On the flipside, a 10 000 person mud wrestling pit? I see no problem in that either.

The best way to spice up oatmeal- that's easy, a touch of maple syrup (I am the definitive Canadian girl after all), brown sugar and warm-water plumped raisins.
OR
A warm water oatmeal bath for two, spiced up with kisses and soft touches...certainly the preferred choice although more likely to increase appetite rather than diminish it.

The things that I am most passionate about are people, namely my friends (the ones I've had for years as well as the ones I have yet to meet), my family and my students. I possess the ability to enhance the lives of others and openly welcome them to enhance mine, this has made me the woman I am today.
Oh...and chocolate, mmmm truffles
Um, and sunshine, the ocean, playful sex (is there any other kind?), hiking, travel, adrenaline, music...
*Being me while figuring out who I am*

aSecret when I am driving alone, I listen to country music REALLY loud and sing at the top of my lungs. Better be careful with that info, if it gets out, I'm liable to teach all of Costco how to two-step ;)

This is the year that I am meant to discover Burning Man. I am in a great space emotionally and intellectually and I am secure in my various relationships. I have heard many wonderful things about the Costco family for three years and am certain that you will fall in love with me just as I will with you. I am aware that there are many great camps on the playa, however, Costco is the one that stands out for me above all others.

I can't wait to here from you, my school girl skirt and goggles are packed and ready go.
*toes crossed*
Sheena

am I really ready

I have had more than 2 years to contemplate Burning Man, what it means to James and if I can find my place there. Each month I think I am somewhat closer to finding the answer. This year seems to be the one, although my unknown fate still lies in the hands of one Miss RA Annie.
So, I sit here knowing that weekends to myself aren't nearly as cool as I used to find them and I pause, the decision to research instead of transcribe is a simple one and off I go in search of yet another sign to explain my desire to attend the most brilliant of all pagan festivals. I peruse and smile, I wonder and grin, I scroll down and my heart catches more strongly than I think I ever could have predicted.
I have to ask, I am I truly prepared to see things I am pretty certain I don't want to see?
I wipe away a few quick tears and I hear:
'no matter how many other people I kiss I always know that when I kiss you it will be the best ever!'
Yesterday I may have even been able to joke about it, but tonight the question is a hard one.
Who will I be answering it in the desert? Who will hear me if the answer hurts coming out?

the next morning:
frantic dreams of goggles and shoes, I think I'm ready to go now- still wish someone were holding my hand when I get there though.

weekend

Life is rough when your biggest concern is whether or not a bird is going to crap on your laptop when you are working outside in the warm Sunday afternoon sunshine…
*sigh*

I’ve been meaning to update an entry that was frightening and disturbing to me, in it I mentioned a beautiful and familiar girl that I linked to the young man flailing in the streets. I saw her last weekend, placed 2 pretty shining stickers on her shoulders and delicately asked her about the morning I glimpsed her sitting on a corner with her friend. My first thought that day had been that she was waiting to go pick daffodils, my second was that she was somehow tied to the young man that I had condemned to pitiful drug consumption. While I don’t feel any better about my physical interaction that morning, I was awestruck by the fact that she had been waiting, eyes sleepy, hair tucked into a warm hat, sweater on, to be taken to work- picking daffodils.
Perhaps I can’t articulate them meaning of this confirmation but I found it extremely comforting. I had for no good reason been able to see the day ahead for this girl without really knowing her, but also, knowing that she was equally as confused as I was and equally unable to approach the young man in trouble helps me understand my reaction. I know that to read this will mean little to people who did not hear the story from me but truly, after talking to her last weekend, it meant a great deal to me.

now...
today is the culmination of what has been a wonderful break-from-routine weekend.
I spent the early hours of yesterday actually out of bed and wandering down Cook St. with James. It still strikes me sometimes how much we have to say to each other. He is off for some-pondered interludes with beautiful well-known strangers, it will be brilliant to hear the story when he gets home late Monday evening.
What this means for me on the other hand is time spent at home, something I rarely do and not something I by any means miss. It is time for me to move on from here, unfortunately the destination is very murky at this point, which forces me to bide my time and wisely reflect on where I have come from but more importantly, where I want to encourage myself to go.
I watched a movie last night set in Italy, various faces and settings, rich mountain vineyards and opulent sea-side villages, for the first time in ages my heart longed to be somewhere other than in the comfort and security of home. I always have been one to drift into daydreams of adventure and romance, but they never amount to anything more than hopeful stories. Perhaps it would be okay to pick something and actually work at it. I am all about baby-steps (this is a new realization), but if that’s what it takes then that’s how it shall be. The first step- what can a Canadian middle-school teacher do in Italy?- it’s a starting place anyway….

So, here I am, the sun winking over my shoulder making the monitor somewhat brown and hard to focus on, Miranda is calling me through my headphones and I know that I have hours to entertain and be productive…here I go….

People fer *squeezin’* Rich & Chrissie for their thrilling new purchase; James for yesterday; Shan, Amara, & Sandra for taking me with them to the antique fair on Friday- such fun-

love letter

Dark and too cold by myself in your living room. I liked it better when you rested behind me, teasing my back, so soft and comforting.
I continue to sit in here in the too-dark, staring at this silly shiny, too-much-white screen while I know you lie (hoping sleepful wishes) in the warmth of the bed covers, waiting for me in dreams and cool drafts.
More than anything -I blink- feel myself curled within you, warm by you, awake without you, cozy, sleeping next to you.
All we seem to have energy left for is sleep, eyes listless, mouths yawning in unison, so tired and worn and stressed. Missing hope and laugher (except for those few moments- I found it there tonight when you danced under the streetlight! that unmistakable beautiful grin). Last night you found me. Pulled at me, wrenched me free and for that I am awed by you.
I swear to you this moment- we will be here for each other, and never think that I could become too tired to love you. You are my friend and I adore you all ways.
I want to be with you…now
gone

anti-birthday boyfriend

You will see below a yard filled with the spring's finest daffodils.

The story goes... I arrived home from a pleasant Friday at school, ran upstairs and into the shower. A short while later I ran out the door. I was halfway down the steps before I stopped and stared in utter confusion at the 200 flowers filling my front lawn. Sometime during my 20 minutes in the shower and 30 minutes of blow-drying, make-up application and dress selection, James and Amara decorated my front yard to greet me when I left. The warm fuzzy glow did not leave me all evening. My anti-birthday boyfriend wore a perfect sugar-daddy coat for me all night. While I know never to expect anything in particular from this wonderful man, he never ceases to amaze me.
The remainder of my weekend has been quietly walked through; the somewhat generous sunshine mixed with the knowledge that Sunday isn't really Sunday until next weekend.
Thank you a million times to everyone who made this the best birthday ever.
*squeezes* for Jessa, James, Shanny, Kelly, Amara, Sandra, Judy, Al, Phil, Leann, Sean, Carley, Chris, Thrifties floral department, and Divisions 8-1 and
8-2. Creeping closer to 30 doesn't seem too painful with so many great people to celebrate with along the way!

Spring Break

I have never been so happy to be in the Education program as I am today. And while I have work and unit planning to do, I am thrilled about the fact that I can (if I so choose) sleep in every morning for the next 10 days or so. I feel sorry for those poor chumps who only get a 5 day 'reading break.' Ahhh....could this be the benefits of teacherdom starting already?!
I have been counting down the sleeps until Saturday. My plan: rise earlish (maybe rollover for a little sunrise snoggin' with the hotty next to me), breakfast: mmm bagels with cream cheese and some tasty flavoured red jam. Shower, beautifying (all of the required 2 minutes worth), out the door to spin in a brightly lit well accoustified dance studio for an hour or so, grab the camera that I am determined to learn how to use effectively, and start walking.....
keep walking.....
walk some more......
explore the really interesting street that I drove by the other day.
downtown to entertain ourselves with the friends we always seem to find out gallivanting on a sunny weekend day.
Lunch a la Sam's and a people-watching jaunt through the Inner Harbour.
...after that *shoulder shrug*

people I most want to squeeze today: BB, Jessa, all the people who smiled and sang 'Happy Birthday' to me and those who will tonight!

update!
I had a surprise birthday party during USSR thanks to my Div 8-1 and Mrs. Brockway.

quote of the day from an ESL student: "Miss Wilson did you get any birthday bangs yet?"

'tis been a great day so far

too-much morning

I left the chilly warmth of my boy’s house this morning and was greeted by a mellow blast of sunrise. The windows of my car were clear and the air refreshed my whole body. I have been looking forward to Wednesday as the one day when I was planning to relax and do playful activities with the select few grade 8s who were not being bussed to a day filled with powder, moguls and snow pants…but….

I drive to the corner somewhat faster than I should have but about the same as every other morning. Two sleepy looking girls with dreadlocks sit on the corner of the sidewalk, their legs stretched out as far in front of them to make sure I took the corner wide but not far enough to be at any real risk. ‘Daffodil pickers,’ I thought to myself, ‘I think that starts today.’ I rounded the corner and parked, to my right, the sweet smelling bakery that, for $2 provides me with a cupful o’ mediocre but dark coffee and the best muffin in the city- to my right, a young man writhing in the middle of the road, grasping his chest, attempting to kneel…squat…stand…do somersaults…I’m really not certain. I would have liked to believe that he was trying to remove himself from the direct line of traffic but after speaking to him
‘do you need help?’ question #one. ‘do you want me to call an ambulance?’ question number2
He responded, ‘it’s my heart,’ was that a smile on his face? ‘they already called one.’… ‘it’s not working right.’
I was pretty sure that he was content right where he was.
The smile gone but still almost there, the alert voice, the very confused, malfunctioning body, the distressed companions sitting close enough to see him but not to be seen with him~ my perspective and assumptions.
I still needed my coffee and breakfast, my stomach was twisted but I turned away from him. Within moments a cyclist stopped, a motorist or 2, and soon after a lone police car. The young man was moved to the sidewalk but I observed each of the four people around him all stood about the same 2 feet away, such a strange sight to see:
A young man, rocking his body, flailing slightly, a man wearing only a cyclist’s spandex, a policeman in uniform and 2 concerned citizens, standing, looking down at him~ perplexed.
I got my goodies, slowly walked out the bakery door my eyes raised, watching, questioning, wondering if I knew him- a good look at his young, unusually serene face-nope, thank goodness. The pretty girl with the dreadlocks- her, I do know, ask me sometime and I will remind you.
My first thought was only that he was hurt, my second that he was high, I imagine that the rest of his day will be spent sedated and under hospital care, his head will hurt when he wakes up, the girls will remind him of his adventures in traffic this morning…he may laugh, tell the story to the others sharing his ward. He may wake up fully, scared straight, so to speak.
He may not have been high at all, perhaps I am the jaded citizen. Angry at this poor boy for ruining my sunny, warm fuzzy morning, later realizing that I was the uncaring passerby who really did nothing to help him.

Karma?
My car battery is dead, it was the lights …I don’t even remember turning them on?!

slightly tilted world

feels like a Monday~ my head is groogy, swimming with dreams nearly forgotten from last night, my skin hums gently where it touched my beautiful boy as we slept. The sun is quietly sneaking between the slats of the twisted blinds behind me.

While my world seems to have slowed, patient breaths enter and release as I melt into them. This is a time for perfect planning, for anticipation and for focus. The culmination of seven years of work is rapidly drawing near.

I find myself imagining a world where I never have to teach in a classroom again, a place where financial worries are non-existent and where I can play always. How odd to imagine walking down the road of my second career before ever beginning the first. Yet while I think these thoughts I remain assured that there is a place for me amongst students, I am most
certainly
probably
maybe
meant to teach...this allows me to insert variety, to find my place and my way using them to guide me. It will be an adventure worth sharing and the stories will be plentiful.

For now, I wink at the frost bitten cherry blossoms in the 7 am near-light, drink my unsweetened gourmet coffee and try to imagine how I ended up here.